“The ability to lick their own asses, does this make cats their own bosses?”

“My meat smells like cat food. Makes me want to lick my own asshole.”

“I’ve gone astray. It’s better to cook with a stray than eat your own cat.”

“My favorite smells are freshly baked bread, the pages of an old book, and they way my boss’ ass smells when he’s shouting at me.”

“My fur coat is still wet, not from the rain, but from where my cat was licking it. Well, my future fur coat. I have yet to kill and skin it.”

“On his deathbed, my grandpa told me three things to remember for after he died. First he said, "You can't own a cat. Ever." Second he told me, "Friendly boys make friendly friends." Finally he said, "You were adopted, just like your father before you, and his father before him." "So," I said, "you were adopted?" "Of course not!" he replied. "Your father's not my son, just like he's not your father." And to this day I am still confused. I have no idea why I can't own a cat.”

“Before I make you boss, I want to tattoo “Assistant” around your asshole.”