“The American Dream is to not have to work, so with unemployment at record levels, you’d think more people would be excited and grateful for the government intervention that got us to this glorious economic point.”

“The escalator doesn’t work, and you’d think they’d still be used as stairs, but in this economic depression, even the stairs are unemployed.”

“So I got a new job, and I start tomorrow. I’m excited to have a job, and bummed out I’m going to be working.”

“The government is so efficient it often takes two people to do the work of one. Actually, more accurately, it takes twice the manpower to do half the work.”

“Some people work to live, and other people live to work. Then some people, like me, are both unemployed and alive (at least at the time of this writing).
”

“I’ve got a piece of the American Dream. I don’t have a house, but I do have a new chandelier. Now I just have to build a house around it.”

“Why do old people drive slow? They have the least amount of time left on earth, so you’d think they’d drive the fastest, to make the best use of what little time they have.”