“The answer is three, I said as I held up three fingers—my middle through my pinky—and I formed a loop with my index finger and my thumb, which also shapes the universal sign for “asshole.” A verbal response, backed up by its unspoken reflection, with a hidden hand gesture buried in the sub context.”

“If I were to hold up a bank with my index finger and my thumb as the “gun,” then I hope I wouldn’t try to use half my weapon to hitchhike my escape from the police.”

“My ears are as blind as my eyes are deaf. But my nose, it can see the truth, except when I block its line of site with my index fingers.”

“If I had nostrils on my index fingers, I wonder what the inside of my nose would smell like?”

“The mobster came by my establishment and said I needed protection. “Nope,” I replied, “I’ve already got protection.” Then I showed him how I wear a rubber glove over my penis, with my shaft sliding perfectly in the pinky finger slot.”

“I plugged the hole up with my thumb, so at least I wouldn’t sink. But it was really uncomfortable floating on that lake with my thumb up my ass.”

“It’s hard to type with gloves on. It’s also hard to type with just an erection. It’s basically like typing with one finger, and in my case, a pinky.”