“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg my friends to treat me that well.”

“Going to bed at sunrise, I find a blindfold helps me sleep. Also, I like it when my kidnappers put pillows in the trunk.”

“The best part about having children is being able to point at them and proudly proclaim, "Hey, I made those.”

“I could tell I loved her from the moment I saw her, right after she opened the trunk, untied me, and took off my blindfold.”

“My girlfriend is as reasonable as Lady Justice, and just as blindfolded. She’s tied up in the trunk this very moment.”

“I can’t get car parts at Lowes, the home improvement store? If I lived in my car, my car would be my home.”

“The best thing about dating a deaf woman with no nose is being able to fart in bed and have her not know. Well, that is unless Edmond tells her, but I don't think he will.”