“The best part about vomiting is that right after you do, you can continue eating.”

“Try my all-you-can-eat vomit soup. Sadly, people don’t want seconds, because they don’t even want firsts. But it tastes great. I tasted it on the way down—and then again on the way up.”

“You made me dinner, so I made myself vomit—twice. Once to clear some room in my full stomach so I could eat, and the second time as an expression of what I thought about your cooking.”

“The best part about teamwork, is me collecting all the prize money. Hey, that’s what captains are for, right?”

“The best part about having kids is not actually having to have kids. Thank you, women.”

“The best part about a superhero’s cape is it doubles as a blanket when your nemesis uses his freeze gun on you.”

“The best part about a rear naked choke, is the naked part.”