“The best place to hide gold coins is in a treasure chest filled with those circular chocolates that are coin-sized and wrapped in gold foil. That’ll foil any thief.”

“I put tin foil on our relationship and stuck it in the fridge, because it needed to cool down a bit.”

“There’s fool’s gold—pyrite—and then there’s fool’s gold—gold owned by idiots willing to trade it for worthless dollars.
”

“Bricks could be used to fill Fort Knox. I know, I know. You’re probably thinking, if we fill Fort Knox with bricks, where will we keep all the gold that’s kept there? I still need to get precise measurements, and move all my clothes, but I think it’d be a good idea to store the gold in my closet.
”

“With a tough decision, the act of flipping a coin allows you to figure out which you really prefer, because as the coin is spinning, you find yourself slightly pulling for either heads or tails. No need to follow the coin’s outcome—choose the side your subconscious hoped fate would favor.”

“Bricks, bricks, and bricks could be given away at the Olympics, instead of gold, silver, and bronze medals. If all a champion wants is to win, then I’ll take all that unnecessary gold and silver off the international community’s hands. 
”

“Silence is golden, and gold is up these days, so silence is a solid investment.”