“The best thing to do with a seven-year-old is wait until they’re eight to tell them to wait until they’re 18 to start living life.”

“Oh God, are there so many of them in our land! Students who can’t be happy until they’ve graduated, servicemen who can’t be happy until they are discharged, single folks who can’t be happy until they’ve found a mate, workers who can’t be happy until they’ve retired, adolescents who aren’t happy until they’re grown, ill people who aren’t happy until they’re well, failures who aren’t happy until they succeed, restless who can’t wait until they get out of town, and in most cases, vice versa, people waiting, waiting for the world to begin.”

“When congratulations are in order, I like to wait until they’re out of order to offer a high five or enthusiastic pat on the back.”

“There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.”

“Waiting until everything is perfect before making a move is like waiting to start a trip until all the traffic lights are green.”

“Men are the scourge of the universe. I say we line them all up along the highway and then mow them down with big trucks. No, wait! Steamrollers! Yeah, let’s steamroll them all until they’re nothing more than slimy wet spots on the road! (Chrissy)”