“The best thing to do with a seven-year-old is wait until they’re eight to tell them to wait until they’re 18 to start living life.”

“When congratulations are in order, I like to wait until they’re out of order to offer a high five or enthusiastic pat on the back.”

“Kill all the prisoners, because they’re costing us too much money. Wait! No, kill all the politicians, because they’re spending too much money.”

“If someone says you’re not right for them, they’re lying. What they’re really trying to tell you is they want you to stalk them and show them how committed you really are.”

“Most people live life backwards. They party and kill time in their youth, when they’re strong and have the energy to accomplish great things. And then they’re older, they try to get things done, but they have less energy and enthusiasm by that time.”

“I can envision your success all day long, but until you imagine its reality, it’s not going to happen. So what are you waiting for? Start daydreaming.”

“My birthday is on a holiday. I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me.”