“The boxer had two black eyes. But that’s to be expected, since he was from Africa.”

“The kitten I got is black and white and has long hair. Really long hair (think Willie Nelson). I decided to call him Cap’n because his markings make him look like a pirate. The majority of his face is white, except over his left eye is a black patch of fur, like an eye patch, and under his chin he has black hair that’s long and comes to a point like a goatee. Also, when I got him he had a parrot on his shoulder and a wooden leg.”

“What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two.”

“The picture is grainy. But that’s to be expected when photographing bread.”

“When I need to be in two places at once, make two decisions at once, that’s what clones are for.”

“I ran over a dog last night on my way home, and then I wondered what my wife had made for dinner. The two events are disappointingly not connected. Ah, but that’s life, no?”

“It was a blustery winter night, back in the summer of 2009. That’s when we met, and that’s when I knew it was love, two years before.”