“The cop wanted to know what was in the bag. I said, Another cop.”

“I work in a hotel. I know what you’re probably thinking, and no, I am not a hooker. Not unless you’re not a cop.”

“A cop is closer to a garbage man than he is to a lawyer. The cop isn’t in the middle of the two—he’s on top, with the lawyer being well below the garbage man.”

“I called the cops to see if I had a rap sheet. I do, and it rhymes.”

“Don’t bother calling the cops, because nobody can find me here. I know, because after all these years, I’m still trying to find myself.”

“I bought a bag of chips at the store, and the cashier asked if I wanted a bag. I said, No thanks. It already comes with a bag.”

“I saw the corpse, and I called the cops. But not before I called a 1-800 phone sex number with the dead guy’s phone and credit card.”