“The couch was green, so I felt comfortable wiping my boogers on it. I just wish it had been brown.”

“I’ll only blow my nose into green handkerchiefs. Why? Because all my brown hankies are reserved for wiping my ass.”

“I’ll wipe a booger on your wall, not only to say I was here, but also to say thanks for having me over.”

“I’ll wipe a booger on your living room wall, not only to show I was there, but also to say thanks for having me over.”

“I made art out of all the phone numbers on napkins I’ve had over the years. So it was just one napkin, and I wiped my mouth with it after I was done.”

“I had an out-of-body experience so strange that it felt normal. You see, my soul, or essence, had left my body and went and inhabited the body of my clone. So I wasn’t in my body, and yet I was. Or maybe none of that happened, and I was just in a delirious, sleep-deprived state.”

“I watched the sunset from the comfort of my bathtub, which has a clear bottom so I had an unobstructed view.”