“The country with the most writers is ironically probably the country with the least readers—USA. And once my parents die, my entire reading base will disappear.”

“The most the average person probably reads in a day is a STOP sign or two. And based on how people drive in Jacksonville, I don’t think they even read that much.”

“My girlfriend Likes Sex and the City. Trouble is, I live in the country.”

“If I told you that my global audience has shot up 100% in the last six months, what would you say? If you were to say, “So you went from one reader to two readers?” you’d be absolutely correct. And after I had congratulated you on your keen guess, I’d thank you for being 50% of my reading base.”

“You might think there is nothing more patriotic than dying for your country, but I think there is nothing more patriotic than living for your country.”

“A writer must be a lifelong reader to be good. And if you want to be a great writer, I’d suggest trying to live a long life by reading the ingredients of the foods you buy.”

“I’m older than myself. At least I will be, once my clone gets here.”