“The cucumber is just about the healthiest sex toy ever.”

“A mechanical toothbrush is the greatest oral device in the history of the sex toy industry.”

“Love is like a portable lamp/sex toy. The world calls those flashlights, but I’m much more romantic.”

“A vibrating toothbrush is one hygienic marvel of a sex toy. The next time I want to make love, I’ll make a dentist appointment.”

“A feather taped to a vibrator is a tickling machine to induce hunger, and NOT a sex toy. So you won’t have to ask if you see it in my fridge.”

“A brick could be used as a hammer, which frees up the hammer to be used as a sex toy. The only question is, Which end will you insert? If you’re a politician, I’d recommend the one with the hooks.
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“I threw out my sausage, and replaced it with a healthier penis metaphor, like a cucumber.”