“The early morning is too strong to drink straight, so I need to mix in a little coffee to be able to hold it down.”

“Respect doesn’t have to be shiny. It just needs to be wearable. Would you be so kind as to hold my jockstrap while I stir your hot coffee?
”

“I drink sleep, but not like I drink coffee. I chug one and sip the other.”

“One cup contains Starbucks coffee, and one holds diarrhea. But which is which? Drink it, and the one that doesn’t make you vomit is the diarrhea.”

“The morning came pouring down on my night, but luckily I was able to convert my erection into an umbrella.”

“I laughed so hard I nearly spit out my hot tea. The strange part was the fact that I was drinking coffee at that moment.”

“I think coffee is the best drink known to man. I also think that wine is the best drink known to woman.”