“The easiest way to get from point A to point B is with a vehicle that runs on alphabet soup.”

“What I want more than a car that goes from Point A to Point B, is a car that stops. I make it a point to break for love. My horn is broke—and so am I, but I get paid Friday.”

“I would eat my soup in silence, but it’s alphabet soup. They’re all capital letters and they are shouting at me. I’m not anorexic or illiterate, so alphabet soup is like a nourishing novel. An anorexic should make a suicide note out of the letters.”

“Today I ate my manuscript with the very spoon I used to write it with. My book was called “Chicken Noodle Soup for the Stomach.”
I wrote it with alphabet soup, and then edited it with a can of chicken noodle soup.”

“I am the alphabet soup of love. Eat me or read me, but don’t feed me to the cats.”

“Can America get back to a point where politicians are honest? Not unless that point is the tip of a sword.”

“North, south, east, west, I need to find a nude erection to point the way.”