“The eyes in the frying pan looked tasty. But as good as they looked, it wasn’t good that they were looking at me.”

“Whether you’re being good, or you’re up to no good, try not to look guilty.”

“Thank goodness women aren’t as superficial as men. Where would a guy like me be if all women cared about were looks? The plastic surgeon’s office, that’s where.”

“If I only had one eye, I’d look at my other eyeball with my good eye. It would be in a jar on the dresser, of course, right next to my detachable penis.”

“I would tell you I hope you find what you seek in life, but your problem is you’re not looking. The only looking you do is good looking. But really, you’re not that handsome.”

“At my ten-year high school reunion, I was voted best looking. Of course, there were two people in my high school, and while I wasn’t the best looking, my brother was two years younger and therefore not in my graduating class.”

“If frogs tasted like chicken, I’d gladly jump in the frying pan. Ah, but that’s life, no?”