“The fields of science are full of crop circles that can't yet be explained by scientific means.”

“The difference between me and a scientist is a little word called “Science.” I don’t believe in it. Science has yet to validate my disbelief in Bigfoot.”

“Science doesn’t listen. Science has mice growing out of its ears. Wait, I mean human ears growing out of its mice.”

“I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop.”

“Some people work in the medical field, others in the legal field, while I work in the green field. Except in winter, and then I work in the brown field.”

“While I've never read Scientific American, I'll bet it is pretty scientific. And American. Just like those prehistoric cave drawings in the south of France.”

“I guess I should be thankful. Full of thank. But what is thank? I can't eat thank, so I know my stomach isn't full of thank. I can't smell or breathe thank, so I know my lungs aren't full of thank. I'm not even sure how much thank I could fit in the trunk of my car. But I do know one thing. It's much easier to give thanks than something that actually costs money to give.”