“The government should either force the population to get healthy, or tax them for not complying. If the people still refuse to shape up, they should be imprisoned. Nothing is healthier for society than more government regulation.”

“It may be bad for you, but government has no role in dictating our lives. People should be free to imprison themselves.”

“Governments are nothing more than elaborate Rube Goldberg apparatuses, operating with absurd inefficiency. Why walk ten steps when you can make it there in a hundred?”

“If you make guns illegal, the only people who will have them will be criminals—and the government, which of course is the same thing.”

“The government is so efficient it often takes two people to do the work of one. Actually, more accurately, it takes twice the manpower to do half the work.”

“What is life without death? That's like asking what is peanut butter without jelly? Or a baseball game on TV and changing the channel? Or government without taxes? Actually, I like those last two.”

“Let’s all roll up our sleeves and get back to work. Or let’s create jobs where other people roll up other people’s sleeves, so these other people can get to work helping other people get to work. That’s brilliant. I should be a politician.”