“The indignity of having to wear suntan lotion pales in comparison to getting skin cancer.”

“If my love for cats were hydrogen, there’d be enough of it to give you skin cancer if you didn’t wear suntan lotion. The only sad part for me about getting a cat from the pound is that I can only choose one. If I could, I’d take home all of them. Actually, my view is why take them home? Why not just move in to an animal shelter? But my future wife wouldn’t go for that. Though I’m pretty sure she could move into a shoe store no problem.”

“The distant threat of eternal damnation pales in comparison to the immediate gratification of corrupting young skin.”

“It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it is told. ”

“And going into the showers I saw a suntanned young lad in pale blue trunks that I rather liked the look of.”

“Wearing shoes in the house was barbaric. There was almost as much indignity in wearing shoes in the house as there was in being kidnapped.”