“The indignity of having to wear suntan lotion pales in comparison to getting skin cancer.”

“If my love for cats were hydrogen, there’d be enough of it to give you skin cancer if you didn’t wear suntan lotion. The only sad part for me about getting a cat from the pound is that I can only choose one. If I could, I’d take home all of them. Actually, my view is why take them home? Why not just move in to an animal shelter? But my future wife wouldn’t go for that. Though I’m pretty sure she could move into a shoe store no problem.”

“I get the impression that people who wear too much cologne are hiding something. People who wear clothes are hiding something too.”

“A brick can’t cure cancer. But who knows, maybe a brick combined with a blanket could. I’ll have to ask Dr. Burzynski about it.
”

“Surviving cancer is cool, but surviving old age is cooler.”

“Fashion Tip Number 12: Gray is not the color to wear if you want to get noticed in a smoky, dingy dungeon.”

“I want to sit on the sofa, eating potato chips, while wearing one of those vibrating ab belts and getting a workout.”