“The most dangerous flower is one that grows on a grave. Everybody in its vicinity is dead. That’s why I hand-picked it for my mother-in-law.”

“If flowers were boogers, I'd pick a few big ones and flick them on your grave.”

“A monster’s not a monster to another monster. At least that’s what I thought when I saw my mother-in-law talking to a statue of Stalin.”

“Flowers and fear are a lot alike. For one, flowers and fear have a distinct smell, and two, I’m currently trying to grow both in my garden.”

“I have seen the deadly effects of love first hand, and I have seen them with my second hand (the left one).”

“There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house.”

“I hate the smell of success, because most of the time it smells like sweat. Maybe that’s why I’m poor, because every pore on my body is dry.”