“The most environmentally friendly last name is Green.”

“He had a last name for a first name, and a last name for a last name, but only because it came after his first name (the one that sounds like a last name). Otherwise, his last name would sound like a first name.”

“To be environmentally friendly, I’d ride my stationary bike to work. I hope my career works out, because it feels like I'm just spinning my wheels.”

“His first name is Brooks, but his last name isn’t. His last name is Wrinkled, unlike his shirt (he isn’t wearing one).”

“Her name is Denise, and she has green eyes and red hair. Well, this week. Last week her hair was dyed blonde, and she had blue eyes. Or maybe that was a different woman. I don’t know. All I know is that she is my soul mate.”

“My friend Angela, she’s no angel. But my friend Demonica, she’s aptly named.”

“My last name should be “Why,” because it is my destiny to question everything, including how to change my last name to one of the shortest questions and the question of all questions.”