“The only problem with politicians taking two week vacations every year is it’s about 50 weeks too short.
”

“America’s problem, in a word, is politicians. In two words, it’s politicians and lobbyists. In three words, it’s politicians, lobbyists, and lawyers. And finally, in four words, it’s politicians, lobbyists, lawyers, and bankers.”

“It’s not true I think all politicians are morons. Morons are far too intelligent to be politicians.”

“I don’t think he’s dumber than a politician. But only because it’s not possible to be dumber than a politician.”

“The final few weeks in a town before you move always feel like vacation, like you’re observing and taking it all in, seeing with fresh eyes. I’m moving back to Orafouraville. A college degree is so worthless that it is invaluable. When everybody has one, they are cheap—except if you don’t have one, and then they are priceless.”

“A brick could be used to destroy your mannequin lover. It’s the only proper thing to do. Remember, I was the one who warned you about dating a politician.
”

“I want my last 50 years on this earth to be amazing. Of course, I still want to have 150 years before those last 50 years begin.”