“The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her.”

“Will there be poppy juice in it?"Phresine shook her head."Good. My wife and I agreed that only my wine was to be poisoned.”

“I agree with the late William Cobbett about picking a wife. See that she chews her food well and sets her foot down firmly on the ground when she walks, and you're all right. Selina Goby was all right in both these respects, which was one reason for marrying her. I had another reason, likewise, entirely of my own discovering. Selina, being a single woman, made me pay so much a week for her board and services. Selina, being my wife, couldn't charge for her board, and would have to give me her services for nothing. That was the point of view I looked at it from. Economy - with a dash of love.”

“Most aspects of my training didn’t agree with me. There wasn’t as much bossing around as I’d hoped for, and there was way too much following orders.”

“Tom. Tom, look at me. Has Nora agreed to marry you?""No, but she will because she has to.”

“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me”