“The only time I really think is when I smoke, and I quit smoking years ago.”

“I told the waitress I wanted some coffee. She asked if I wanted leaded of unleaded, so I had to leave the restaurant, because I quit drinking gasoline years ago.”

“I have a beard of fog that I wear on misty mornings. It’s not cigarette smoke, but I’d understand if you wanted to shave it off and inhale it.”

“My mom and dad died, but in their place I got a house of fog that’s easy to hide my feelings in. (No smoking, please.)
”

“I can’t even hear the phrase ‘Four score and seven years ago’ without thinking of what?” my mom asked.
“A top hat and a beard,” I replied.”

“There are 365 days in a year, and 360 degrees in a circle. Coincidence? I think not. Really, I didn’t think, and that’s why this is so dumb.”

“Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering a refill at any price.”