“The only time I’ll eat Italian wedding soup is if I’m wearing a tuxedo and eating with a priest.”

“Did you know you can drink food? It’s true! It’s called soup, and I eat it with a fork. I’m as efficient as the government.
”

“I would eat my soup in silence, but it’s alphabet soup. They’re all capital letters and they are shouting at me. I’m not anorexic or illiterate, so alphabet soup is like a nourishing novel. An anorexic should make a suicide note out of the letters.”

“I eat overcast skies for breakfast, because sunlight isn’t filling enough. As a lover, I’m a bring-my-own-umbrella kind of guy, because a soup bowl doesn’t offer enough space or protection.”

“I eat bar soap raw, because if you try cooking it, it disappears. The soap turns into soup.”

“I am the alphabet soup of love. Eat me or read me, but don’t feed me to the cats.”

“Good things come to those who ate. I’m going to wait to eat. I just got done swallowing my pride, and I’ll be full for the foreseeable future.”