“The only time I’ll eat Italian wedding soup is if I’m wearing a tuxedo and eating with a priest.”

“Life is made of fear. Some people eat fear soup three times a day. Some people eat fear soup all the meals there are. I eat it sometimes. When they bring me fear soup to eat, I try not to eat it, I try to send it back. But sometimes I'm too afraid to and have to eat it anyway.”

“I’m an animal activist. Many people say that I’m a hypocrite, because I eat burgers and stuff like that but I won’t wear fur. But I’m not a hypocrite. I just only wear fake fur. ”

“I’m hopeful that the new job I’m starting today at Santo’s Restaurant will not only get me paid, but will also help me meet some quality people. Or I’ll just eat a lot of chimichangas. I’ll be all right either way.”

“Did you know you can drink food? It’s true! It’s called soup, and I eat it with a fork. I’m as efficient as the government.
”

“I would eat my soup in silence, but it’s alphabet soup. They’re all capital letters and they are shouting at me. I’m not anorexic or illiterate, so alphabet soup is like a nourishing novel. An anorexic should make a suicide note out of the letters.”