“The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasn’t hungry, I just wanted to call some plays.”

“The other day I found 20 dollars. It was just lying in a wallet I took from some guy’s pocket.”

“I never got to call myself a door-to-door salesman, because, regrettably, I only ever went to one door. But one day I just might knock on another door, to be able to proudly say that I was once a door-to-door salesman.”

“I have the worst kind of history—a non history. I wasn’t born poor, oppressed, rich, famous, or any other such extreme. I was born in the middle, and I desperately want to hide it.”

“I went dumpster diving the other day, and each of the judges gave me a perfect score of 10.”

“I’m so hungry I could eat some silverware.”

“I once had a dream about a woman, and the next day she died. I stopped sleeping for three days after that to try to save some lives, but then my body relented and I went back to being a murderer.”