“The past is always more innocent, because it exists peacefully in the unreachable and unchangeable parts of the imagination.”

“I think Gummy Bears should be the universal symbol for peace, because peace leads to prosperity, prosperity leads to decadence, and decadence leads to diabetes.”

“I am innocent! But only because the opportunity to partake in an activity that would render me guilty has not presented itself.”

“I always say “I couldn’t agree more,” even if I wholeheartedly disagree, because whether I completely agree or completely disagree, I couldn’t agree more.”

“I’m always amazed that my twin has the same birthday as me, and that he doesn’t exist. I wonder if I exist?”

“I am a juxtaposition. And at the same time, I’m not. I’m always like this because I’m not always like this because I’m always in love.”

“Cryptozoology 101: It’s an exciting class because it’s mythological, and may or may not exist.”