“The people at the party forgot I was standing there. But it’s OK, because I forgot I was standing there too.”

“I think it’s OK to rape as many people as possible, and that’s precisely why I’m going into politics.”

“Last night as I was driving home, I ran over a guy in a wheelchair. But it’s OK—he was already paralyzed.”

“I could see that she was eager to please and impress me, and I was excited to see someone so excited to try to excite me. In all the excitement I forgot where I was, who I was, and why I was trying to kill her.”

“Instead of a Lemonade Stand, I should open up a “You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large.”

“If I were a mannequin, I'd know people would only want me for my body. But that's OK, because that's how it is now.”

“I saw her standing across the room, and I thought, “Wow! Who is that sexy woman she’s standing next to?”