“The picture is grainy. But that’s to be expected when photographing bread.”

“The picture is bad because the photographer was poor. I took the picture myself, and you can clearly tell I have no money.”

“You get used to success and you start to expect it—and that’s when you fail. Luckily for me, I can’t possibly fail, precisely because I always fail.”

“The boxer had two black eyes. But that’s to be expected, since he was from Africa.”

“With my wedding photography business, I want repeat customers. So hooray for divorce! That’s why I take lots of pictures—of cheating spouses.”

“When your family dies, that’s a bummer, but that’s life. When my family dies, it’s a tragedy and the world is unbalanced and biased.
”

“It was a blustery winter night, back in the summer of 2009. That’s when we met, and that’s when I knew it was love, two years before.”