“The reason it’s hard for men to say “I love you” is because those three words represent 10% of the average man’s vocabulary.”

“Boob, like the object it identifies, is such a well-rounded word. It’s as if “Bo” represents the left breast, and “ob” represents the right breast.”

“On average, women are better liars than men. But the best liars are men, because politicians are still predominantly men.
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“America’s problem, in a word, is politicians. In two words, it’s politicians and lobbyists. In three words, it’s politicians, lobbyists, and lawyers. And finally, in four words, it’s politicians, lobbyists, lawyers, and bankers.”

“I make my own cologne. It’s called “Sweat,” and it’s hard work making it. But I can tell people love it, because they’re so envious and jealous when I wear it that they avoid me altogether.”

“3.5 billion men in the world all share one I love you. That’s why men rarely say it, because there is only one in the world for the whole gender to share and take turns using.”

“I have three sets of humor. One I keep in a bag of salt, because it’s the dry one.
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