“The rocky terrain wasn’t the reason we were on uneven footing. She had no feet, and I was in love. We made love like Nickelback makes music—and I enjoyed it, but I wish the fans in the audience wouldn’t have screamed so loud.”

“I love having a ceiling fan, although sometimes I wish he wouldn't cheer so loud when I'm trying to sleep.”

“We made love like I make grilled cheese sandwiches. I had no idea what I was doing, but she melted into me all the same.”

“I ran a few miles, Davis, and they were musical. Then I made love like the sound of a trumpet, as heard by Helen Keller.”

“I make music like I make love—in a group. OK, so I’m not in a band, and I sing alone in the shower.”

“Last night I snuck an orchestra into the elevator at my apartment. We made elevator music history until Marvin got his oboe caught in the door and Mrs. Hoffstead started singing "Yes We Have No Bananas Today" in the hall so loud the police were called in from Equador.”

“I remember the first time we made love like it was the second time. We never made love again, and I don’t regret it for a second.”