“The scent of your asshole smells like childhood memories. I mean it would, if I grew up in New Jersey.”

“A candle that smells like asshole would be an instant hit in prison.”

“I don't like musty smells. I much prefer less definitive fragrances, like the scent of maybe.”

“Sometimes when I’m watching TV and I see a horrible commercial I think, “Only an asshole would buy that.” Then I think, Wait a minute! The advertising agency did research on their client’s target market and which channel and TV shows the ideal demographic watches, right? This would mean a carefully chosen ad campaign to get the product in front of the likely buyers, who in this case, are assholes. And I’m on the chosen channel, which means that I am one of the assholes of interest. Then I get spooked, because how’d they figure out that am asshole? Scary how well they know me.”

“A blanket could be twirled in the air, like a new idea in your mind, and then either discarded or folded up like a wearable memory.
”

“My asshole smells like a bookstore. So, are you a big reader?”

“My nostrils smell, but not to you. Oh, they have no odor, unless you count the scent of nostalgia, which is what they always smell like.”