“The three of us met to discuss dinner over sandwiches, and I decided I liked them. The sandwiches, not the people. I hated those fucking people.”

“I want a sexual innuendo sandwich, hold the mayonnaise.”

“I want a Snuggle Sandwich—hold the pickle. Make it a combo and upsize it.”

“I like wearing gloves made of cheese (Swiss), and then going around asking elderly men if they want a knuckle sandwich.”

“We made love like I make grilled cheese sandwiches. I had no idea what I was doing, but she melted into me all the same.”

“The fog scattered the light and spread it thick like mayonnaise. It was late and I was sandwiched between 2011 and 2012, and all I needed was some tomato slices to fully enjoy it.”

“Sandwiches come in shrink-wrap—therefore, I must masturbate with gloves on. Lunchtime! The coffee’s stale but the cream will be fresh.”