“The time to act is now! Somebody go get the Director.”

“We all want somebody to share our life and love with. But if there are an odd number of people on the earth, and there’s a 50% chance there is, then somebody is going to get left out. And that somebody isn’t going to be me, even if I have to kill that one guy to make the world balanced.”

“Taxidermy and taxes go together like peanut butter and sodomy. Can somebody get me two slices of bread?”

“I’m the Director of Redundancy. I’m also the Director. I make love like I make love, and that is why I am the Director of Redundancy.”

“If somebody tells me and my wife to get a room, I always ask, How about the kitchen?”

“If you want me, you’d better hurry. Act now, supplies are limited.”

“After a good run, my legs feel like Jell-O. Somebody get me a spoon and stick a fork in me.”