“The topic of weather isn’t small talk, when you’re conversing with a meteorologist.”

“I told her I'd rather talk about her, instead of listening to her drone on about the weather. Little did I know she was an aspiring meteorologist.”

“Too many people talk about the weather, and not enough people talk about agriculture. When somebody says to me, "Beautiful weather we're having,” I always reply, "Irrigation and crop rotation.”

“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?”

“My life outlook isn’t cloudy. That’s just the weather report for the rest of my life.”

“Life isn’t so bad. I’m not fat (unless you’re Gandhi), I’m not short (unless you’re Goliath), and I’m not ugly (unless you’re James Dean).”

“Don’t talk while you’re talking. It interrupts me.”