“The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK.
”

“If I were among midgets I didn’t know, I’d be afraid they’d see I was uncomfortable making small talk.”

“In five years I want to go equally as far as I have come in the last five years. No, farther. Five years ago I embarked on a journey that led me to this point, so five years from now I’d like to be six years older.”

“If you were to ask me if I have ever loved a woman, I'd probably reply, "Two gallons of milk and a midget.”

“I could do more pull-ups with a midget on my back, than a midget could do with me on his back. This makes me the superior land animal.”

“I went out to eat on a restaurant’s opening night. It was packed! I guess people heard I’d be dining there and came to adore me.”

“The clouds rolled over the hills like a pack of midgets wearing gray togas somersaulting in unison, and I thought it’s a glorious day to be alive and in love.”