“There are certain books in the history of the world that should never have been written. This book makes all those look like masterpieces.”

“Sometimes I’ll read a book and feel it was written just for me. Then I’ll flip the book over to look at the cover to see who wrote it, only to discover that it feels like it was written for me because it was written by me.”

“The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the content.”

“If I’m going to write a book every American will want to read, it’s got to have lots of pictures. Those pictures must also move, and all the words in the book must be spoken and available audibly for all the readers to hear as they watch.”

“You could say my book is the best book ever (or worst book ever), and it wouldn’t make it any better (or worse) than it is. All art exists outside and beyond criticism.”

“Art books are filled with interesting images. And that’s cool and all, but I look more for the nudes.”

“People who collect books, and categorize them by Roy G. Biv instead of alphabetically, are displaying the fact that their books aren't meant to be read, but merely looked at. And while they are busy looking at the rainbow of books, they're missing the pots of gold inside.”