“There are days when I don’t know how I live with myself. Those days are Sundays through Saturdays.”

“I think we should change the amount of time in each day. Sunday thru Friday should be reduced from 24 hours down to ten minutes, and Saturday would become a 167-hour day. That way, when people ask me what I did all week I could truthfully respond, "I slept all week. But I got a hell of a lot done on Saturday.”

“I suspect I’ll be suspicious for my whole life that Saturday night is sleeping with Sunday morning.”

“What are you doing Saturday or Sunday? I’m free this weekend. But come Monday I go back to being a slave.”

“The cool thing about unemployment is every day is Saturday.”

“Every morning I think: What’s the latest I can sleep in ‘til, and still be on time for work? Well, I used to think that, before unemployment turned every day into a Saturday.”

“I met a man named Birthday. I didn’t tell him when I was born, because I thought that that one day in my life, a day I don’t even remember, might define his own identity, and I didn’t want to make him cry.”