“There are only two ways to love—in spite of yourself, and in spite of the restraining order.”

“Cats are the best. They don’t need haircuts, and they love to cuddle, unlike certain celebrities who’ve issued restraining orders against me.”

“I want to create a 3-4 deal—buy three for the price of four. Offer valid for any product but love, which is one for the price of two only.”

“She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse "I love you" with "May I take your order?”

“At the Peabody Hotel, you’ll find two things: a pea and a body. Was it murder by starvation? Come spend the night and decide for yourself.
”

“Love is being able to be yourself, with another human being who makes you want to be better than yourself.”

“To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if that someone is your clone.
”