“There are two apples, one is green and the other is red. Which apple would the wise man choose? The answer is: I’ll take the one you didn’t choose. You see, you are the fool here, because I poisoned the first apple!”

“I’ll dine on apple flesh and cinnamon, while feeding you one line after another. Some lines will have salmon hooked on at the end. Then we’ll make love like two bears who’ve just discovered honey.”

“Life didn’t hand me lemons. Or limes. But staying with the citrus motif, it did hand me oranges. How do you like them apples?”

“I ate a slice of humble pie, and it tasted like apples.”

“Have an apple. It’s bruised. I beat the hell out of it.”

“I tell people she’s a pile of apples, and that I can’t wait to get in cider.”

“If love were orange, like an apple, there’d be nothing to compare it to.”