“There is a hole in my buttocks. I’d like to return it, or at the very least exchange it for a new one.”

“The hole in my heart matches the key I gave her, and I’d like it back, along with the key to my hope chest.”

“She doesn’t return my phone calls. I’d like them back, unopened.”

“I like ice cream with my cake. But in moderation, and not like five gallons with a cupcake. For that much ice cream, I’d need at least two cupcakes.”

“I think you know if you disappeared from my life I’d be upset, but ultimately I’d make myself a new invisible cloak, to replace the one you stole.”

“I took my pants off slowly, thinking if I did it too fast I’d possibly rip a hole in the center of the universe.”

“I plugged the hole up with my thumb, so at least I wouldn’t sink. But it was really uncomfortable floating on that lake with my thumb up my ass.”