“There is nothing more enjoyable than being a member of an enlightened group of people that meets in complete darkness in complete secrecy. I have no idea why the other members joined, when they joined, how they joined, or if, in fact, there are any other members.”

“Until you actually join this government you say that you defend and join it on the same basis as any other citizen then I have every intention of regarding you as I would any other lobbyist for any other interest group demanding special privileges for its members. Fyor Rodan”

“Insider trading is a serious crime. Do you know what the penalty for doing it is? Nothing, if you’re a member of Congress.
”

“A brick could be used to represent my hero. My hero obviously doesn’t look like a brick, but since he is my hero I decided to represent him as more handsome and interesting than he really is. Who’s my hero? Any member of Congress.”

“I only sing in the shower. I would join a choir, but I don’t think my bathtub can hold that many people.
”

“With anal sex, I suggest you start gently. Find a slender midget. Or a member of Congress.”

“Not only did I not join, but now I can’t quit. I’m a nonmember for life.”