“There’s a 95% chance I’ll miss out on 5%.”

“I have an inconsequential errand to run tomorrow so I’ll get up at 5, be there at 5:30, and wait for them to open up at 10. I’m never late, except in love.”

“There’s no way to tell you the bad news without saying it, so I’ll say it with body language.”

“There’s nobody worth talking about, so let’s not talk about it. Only let’s do it anyway. I’ll make it up and then make up later.”

“-There’s a beautiful woman here for you who wants to have sex.
-Tell her I’m married. Then tell her I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“A brick could be used to knock out the tooth of a giant, and then used as a replacement for that very tooth it knocked out. I’ll tell you what, you knock it out, and I’ll put the new one back in—and I’ll charge a fee for both transactions.
”

“I’ll tell him this isn’t just a job to me, it’s a career, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that I’ll surely never take for granted. Will I work nights, weekends, and holidays? There’s nothing I’ve ever wanted to do more. Am I OK with making $8.50/hr and no benefits? $8.50?! That’s exactly my desired pay, and I’ll be so grateful and content with it that I’ll never, ever ask for a raise.”