“There’s moisture in my madness. I should start keeping my insanity in Tupperware containers.”

“There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house.”

“I have a container full of yelling I keep in my kitchen. It makes a great cleaning product, as it’s wonderfully abrasive.”

“A blanket could be used to save your marriage. But to be honest, I’d recommend saving your marriage in a Tupperware container. That way it’ll stay fresher for longer.
”

“I heard my friend’s car wouldn’t start, so I mailed him a parking lot. I should be a politician.”

“If I wanted to eat leftovers, I wouldn’t have taken a dump in the Tupperware.”

“There’s a hair in my soup. That’s the problem of using my helmet as a bowl.”