“There’s not a lot of food on the moon. Not unless you’re into cannibalism.”

“If you’re a cannibal, an Olympic sprinter would be considered fast food.”

“Up until I saw the hair in my food, it was delicious. You know, cannibalism isn’t so bad.”

“Life isn’t so bad. I’m not fat (unless you’re Gandhi), I’m not short (unless you’re Goliath), and I’m not ugly (unless you’re James Dean).”

“When the food runs out, the family reunion is over. It’s cool that out of all my relatives, I’m the only cannibal.”

“My rules are as follows: don’t follow, unless there’s a fire. And in that case, follow from the front.”

“I work in a hotel. I know what you’re probably thinking, and no, I am not a hooker. Not unless you’re not a cop.”