“They call alcohol spirits, because it’s the spirit turned liquid. Would you drink my soul if you knew I’d use it to get inside of you? After all, most men buy women alcohol so they can get inside them too.”

“Sometimes my thoughts are too slimy for my brain, and they come shooting out of my penis. They are life-changing thoughts, so I’d recommend taking them deep inside of you.
”

“Tanks are so big and expensive they should be Buy One Get One Free. If they were, I’d buy 60 of them (I’d save up my allowance money).”

“A brick could be used as a puzzle. See if you can correctly add up the number of sides. If you keep getting the number seven, try consulting a psychologist—or a numerologist. Incidentally, I just so happen to be the latter, so feel free to give me a call. But don’t feel too free, because my services are most certainly not free.
”

“I’d use my shadow as a blanket, but it’s too cold. It’s a shame, because it’d fit snuggly over my body.”

“I buy all my socks with holes in them. Otherwise, how would I get my feet in them?”

“Women get lonely, while men merely get horny. I should know, because I’d feel lonely even if I were surrounded by 11 clones of myself.”