“Though my stomach is only the size of a pea, I could eat two politicians’ brains.”

“I’m famous for my Shepherd’s Pie. Here’s my recipe: lamb, potatoes, cheese, peas, paprika, and a wool-covered apron for the chef/shepherd/wolf-like politician to wear while serving the sheeple up.
”

“Just got done giving my cat a haircut and eating dinner. The two events are unrelated, though I might cough up a hairball later on.”

“Dancing? Not only do I have two left feet, but they’re different sizes. And I don’t put them in shoes—I store them in glass jars in my basement.”

“You made me dinner, so I made myself vomit—twice. Once to clear some room in my full stomach so I could eat, and the second time as an expression of what I thought about your cooking.”

“Blankets could be used to represent the warmth and comfort of Libertarian ideals. And the world would be a better place, if most politicians didn’t have bricks for brains.
”

“I wrote this piece because my mailbox was full of bills, junk mail, and lettuce, but not a single letter from Andre Breton. So I decided I’d write to him (though I did eat my first two drafts).”