“To be surrounded by sixty people who make your life miserable is to be at a family reunion. But to be surrounded by 600,000 people who make the whole world miserable is to live in Washington DC.”

“There’s a relentless wave of WTF coming out of Washington DC.”

“Bricks could be used to feed the homeless. But why not use those bricks to build the homeless people homes? Oh yeah, because that’s not the sort of smart decision DC makes.
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“I respect people who make eye contact (blind people get a free respect card).”

“I don’t understand people who don’t like meatloaf. Your mom doesn’t make it like Michael Aday does.”

“You don’t have to visit an asylum to see insanity. All you have to do is visit Washington DC.”

“A football could be swapped out for a brick, to make family reunion football games more fun. But I’m calling it right now: I get to be quarterback.
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