“To me, life is sad, like a piano with no pedals being played by a person with no fingers.
”

“If I had four fingers growing out of my forehead, I wouldn't try to play the piano with my nose.”

“If I ever go to China, I’m going to find a piano and play “Chopsticks”--only not with my fingers, but rather I’ll be using two forks.”

“I’m going to spend a lifetime being me, so I’d better like who I am as a person. My clone better like me too, because he’ll also spend his whole life trying to be me.”

“My life motto: My brakes are broke, but luckily my gas pedal works just fine.
”

“If love played an instrument, I’ll bet it would be the piano. 88 keys, double infinity, and the ability to chop down trees with a sharpened mustache. 
”

“Zebras are the lions of the animal world. I mean they would be, if lions weren’t already the lions of the animal world. So, is this a book about zebras or pianos? Well, I haven’t played a zebra or ridden a piano in a few years, but that doesn’t mean I’m not an expert on both. In fact, the Bantu bestowed upon me the name “Pundamilia Mozart kupanda kinanda ng’ombe dume”, which roughly translated means, “Zebra Mozart who rides piano benches like they’re bulls.” That’s right, my friends. I’m an international man of mystery. Here’s some advice: If you want to be seen as more mysterious, remember to turn on the fog machine before you make your entrance.
”