“To me, the most confusing part about golf is that I don’t know whether I’d rather actually be playing golf, or sitting on the green composing haikus about the landscaping.”

“I watch basketball like I watch baseball: I don’t. I’d much rather watch grass grow. Actually, golf isn’t that bad.”

“The president spends most of his time playing golf and vacationing. But the times he’s away from the office are the times he’s most valuable to our country.”

“I’d like to write a screenplay about my grandpa, and I’d like my future grandson to play the part. Talk about a mindfuck!”

“I have a great golf swing. I just wish I had someone to push me on it.”

“She yawned so loudly that I wanted to use her mouth as a putt putt golf hole.”

“I have a handicap on the golf course like you wouldn’t believe. It’s more than a limp, and less than a wheelchair.”