“Today I am doing better than yesterday, and tomorrow I hope to be doing better than I am today. And two days from now? Well, that’s a Monday, so I’ll be feeling shitty.”

“I’ll be 30 in March, and it feels just like yesterday that I thought tomorrow will soon be today.”

“When thinking about yesterday, contrasted with today, I can’t help but observe that today by definition means I’m one day closer to death. I just hope that one day isn’t tomorrow.”

“My motto: I’ll do it today, or tomorrow, or the next day, or not.”

“I’m here today because of my decisions yesterday. So I can change my tomorrow today, but I can’t change my today today. This makes the me of yesterday offensive to the me of today.”

“I like to fantasize about how far I’ll have come in a year. A year from now, I’ll be 12 months further than where I am today. And the most impressive part is I don’t really have to work hard for it. I just have to keep waking up.”

“I am prophetic. I predicted it would snow tomorrow yesterday, and sure enough today it snowed. True, I’ve been saying it will snow tomorrow every day since June, but as you can see, my fortune telling prowess is improving.”